Southend on Sea, Essex by draco2008
I can imagine Morrissey trudging, hands in pockets, along the high street in Southend-on-Sea. This is the coastal town, he would explain to me, that they forgot to tear down. And in a fit of asexual Mancunian pique, he would raise his bequiffed head and cry out to the sullen sky come, Armageddon! Come!
Of course, these days he and I would not look so out of place. The make up smeared girls and boys of this Essex outpost don’t really realise the depths of their misplacement. Just moments from London Town, really, Southend seems so far-flung and bleak, although there’s a precint plastered with Primark, with Marks, with everything you’ll need. But there’s the tumbleweed-strewn bus station, the lonely cafes where Morrissey sips his greased tea, and no reasonable promenade to speak of.
Why would you go to this place? As it turns out, you wouldn’t: any charity shop enthusiast in their right mind would vist Leigh-on-Sea, just nextdoor and considerably nicer, apparently. But we weren’t to know, we boldly set forth to find numerous tacky delights, to stroll through the seaside delights of neon, and candy floss, and doughnuts, and the like. But no, we found nothing. Next to nothing: a sad British Heart Foundation, with an uncomfortable smell, and nothing good.
A sad state of affairs, but there you go. Such is life sometimes.
Find: Southend-on-sea at Google Maps
Transport: Southend Central, on c2c
Consume with: share some greased tea with Morrissey and I – there’s bound to be a caf somewhere.
Visit: don’t! or Adventure Island
Overall rating: one forlorn commemorative mug